Like, I don't care whose taxes they are, or if the person whose taxes I'm doing are gonna do my taxes afterwards, but sitting down and filing federal taxes for the spring quarter is like, my favorite thing to do for hours and hours. I know you're not supposed to talk about how you 'like' doing taxes, and everyone is like, 'Ew, you actually like doing taxes? I love doing taxes! Have you ever heard anybody say this out loud? No, because nobody, not even professional accountants, not even Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man , likes doing taxes this much. But replace "doing taxes" with "giving blow jobs," and it's utterly within the realm of possibility that you've heard a woman say this. Probably in mixed company — or, if she's that far gone, among a group of female friends. Acting like you enjoy copious bone in your mouth is somewhat akin to a humblebrag. The depressing truth is that statements like these are often a gambit for male attention, a way for a woman to prove that she's somehow cooler, less prudish, or more "into" sex a unicorn than other women regs horses.


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After every sexual escapade my friends and I enjoyed in college, we'd ask each other one very big, important question: "Was he packing the heat? It's almost comical to think having a big penis equates to good sex, because, honestly -- and this is something I wish I could scream at my early something self -- that's just total bullshit. Because those are still great. But it does mean how you use it will almost always trump size. And sometimes too big can be, well, a problem. Just ask these nine gals who agreed to share their too-big-penis horror stories. One way big dicks totally suck is for blow jobs. One guy I dated has a wide and really long penis, and that made giving one pretty awful.
How long have I been doing this for? Forty minutes? Just thinking about it makes me retch. I try to find other ways of satisfying him, like using my hands. It triggers off PTSD and makes me feel very uncomfortable. Grouped together, they have the consistency of warm snot and the taste of broken dreams. If there was ever a time to be honest, this was it. The conversation turned into an instant negotiation in which we both probed the other on the various aspects of sex that mattered to us.